Being Last

...and least important? It's sick the way parents treat a child sometimes, the insane things that go on and fill the news stories. But is that really the only bad thing that can happen? The kids that are constantly treated as if they are less then their older siblings.

"Turn the Music off your brother is trying to play music." (Well He started playing after I was listening...)
"Your brother needs the computer are you done yet?" (Well sorry for wanting my turn at something, trying to squeeze it in between him having it and him having it and him having it...)

Sometimes it's enough to push you over the edge and parents need to figure that out. Believe it or not as a teenager we still care about your opinions and your actions and how you treat us. Of course, as a teen we also understand the crap rules that you try to enforce and the pointless systems you try to run. There is a point when we are smart enough to see through the B.S. and realize that you're just pushing us around.

Fear...

The dark, storms, people accross the street, pain... It all seems to be causes for fear along with countless other things. The unknown is what fear is, not knowing what will happen, not knowing if it will cause great pain or loss. Not being able to see past the flash of lightning, not knowing what the people on the street feel like doing. Fear is a chain that holds our lives, sometimes in check and sometimes in a crippling manner. To live a life without fear is to be a fool, and to not know what consequence means. To live a life controlled by fear is to be a fool, and to not know freedom.

But to live knowing that you are affraid, and making a choice, to understnad that you don't know what might happen, but to push on, to overcome, and make the choice you think is right. That is to live and to be wise.

In the End...

When it comes down to it, at the end of the day, when you get into bed and fall asleep. When the parties are over, the girls have left, the games are silenced, the books closed and the moniters blinking silently. When the end of the day is there then all you have is yourself. No matter what happens, in the end you have you and only you. If you can fall asleep with no regrets, then you can fall asleep happily. It is not that you have done nothing wrong, but that you have come to terms with the truth; you can't change it. You don't know what might have happened, there is only what did happen. In the end you have to be able to live with yourself...

Choice

Thought, action, and reaction are all just part of life. It's the reaction that matters more then anything. The though behind it can always be lied about, the action leading to it could always be variable and arbitrary but the reaction is itself, in a way pure and unsoiled. When something really matters don't think about what needs to be done to cause change think about the change that needs to be caused. Making a new problem can just as easily be the old solution.

Love...

There are some things in this world that can really get to you. They are things that slip under your skin and armor, they beat around your shell, and dig until they hit your heart. It's these things that can scare us, they are strange and unknown. When something is that powerful and strange we try to hide, or run, or cover it up. Pain is one of these things, then again, so is love, and in this case love is the cure.
Some times it is so simple that we over look it. Some times love is so painful that we run away. Some times love is so powerful that we hide in fear. Some times love is so meaningful that we turn away in shame. Then some times, love is love and it brings us to our knees in glory. Some times it lifts us to the skies and we fly with the all embracing joy that is love. Some times we turn and see their smile and pain fades, mistakes recede, and the sun shows his face. Some times the moon looks down, and smiles on the lovers. Some times, just some times, it's perfect.

Chaos

There are some things that hold other things within them. Feelings, emotion, connection, and humanity. We are all ruled by chaos at some point in our lives. Emotions are the most chaotic force that acts on a person. Emotions change everything, who you are, how you act, why you act, and how people look at you. Emotions are the chaos of the mind in a reaction to stimuli.

Humanity is chaos, a web of feeling and emotions bringing some people together and separating others. Humanity is the wild attempt to put meaning into the chaos. Humanity is inhumane by it's nature and chaos is the lack of order by nature. Why is it that humans are always ready to try to impose order on chaos, and bring chaos to any order that another has created...

Sleep

There are some things in life that have to be dealt with. Sleep is one of these things, it can really be a huge problem. If you sleep for about 8 hours a night then you can look back on your life and know that you slept for over 25 years... if you sleep 9 hours on average then it's at least 28 years... those are numbers I don't think people really like to see. The problem is that without sleep it's hard to do things and spending 50 of 80 years in a state of exhaustion can't be better then 25 years of sleep.

A solution? All nighters. Sometimes you have to release the restraints that tell you to be good, the little angel on your shoulder can be brushed off. It's a solution you can't use as often as some others but it can help. Not sleeping can really clear your mind and let you get a few things straight. You can't spend your life in bed and you can't spend it exhausted, so make a choice, to make a change, and trust me... take the chance...

Reality

It's the truth behind all the lies that we read everyday. It's the sudden urge to throw yourself to someone's mercy. It's the fleeting thought in your head that some strange thing is wrong. It's the last dream before you wake up. it's the first memory, and the last truth. Reality...
Everyone finds it at some point. We don't live in a reality. Here, we live in dreams. When we wake it is because of something powerful. Pain, Loss, Anger, Love, or Trust. When we wake from the dreamscape and drop into reality it's hard to breath. Life flickers, and vision blurs. Then it all comes into focus, and things are vivid, colors extravagant, ideas blossom, and emotion fills our hearts to the brim. When reality takes over, the dreams fade, the pains are allowed in, then feelings, and memories of loss are brought to the surface. However, the feelings of love, grow, and rebound to strengthen, and change, and the fears fade because in reality love is real, and you know you care.

Trust...

Something so base, so simple, seems almost more natural to some people then breathing. Trust is a word that holds more depth then the base use the english language gives it. Trust is the absolute certainty that something will happen, if faith is a pure belief then trust can only be described as a pure faith and a more pure belief then what a mortal could hope to accomplish alone. Trust is the idea that he will catch you, trust is the idea that she will not leave you, trust is the dream that everything is certain, known, defined, and tested. Trusted can be as base as breathing yet as archaic as the ocean. Trust is the walls torn down, the block split asunder, the lies burned, and the truth made to sparkle in the undying sunlight. Trust is as needed as breath, yet so much harder to gain in so many cases.

Equations

Life is full of things to mess you up. Trust me, the goal of the world is to make life hard and it's the little things to live for. Just remember math, you never thought you would need it. You might think, all I do is mow lawns, I can add and subtract... I'm safe. Or you think, I'm 10 gimme a break I don't need this...

Well life is one long equation, it has more variables then numbers and something most math doesn't have. The equation of life has feelings. Just remember to be careful, if you solve for happy double check that you didn't change some one else's variable along the way, cuz if their equation solves for sad yours will inevitably change.

Depression...

There is a system in the world that is so far off line that it's a disgrace. When the paint is peeling from the walls of the hospital pych-wards, the place is understaffed, and the people working don't actualy care about the people inside, when that is the system the system is wrong.

Caring is left out of society so easily sometimes. When a child needs to go somewhere and they don't have that place to go then they fall apart. It can happen to the strongest of the people, because they are probably dealing with the most. When they need a place to turn to they don't want a school therapist, or a prescribed pill, or the facade that others put on. We want some one that cares.

Something is wrong in a world that kids cant talk to their parents, the government cant pay to help the best people when they fall, and the only excuse is non existant.

On Love...

Love is a part of life that cannot be ignored. The strongest people can fall apart at the hands of love and the weakest made like kings. Love is a reality that is cast aside by the fools of the world. It is not about beauty, they are beautiful because you love them. It is not about size, or height, skin color, or hair color. It's what is inside. A wise man once said: "Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong..." It is true.

The outside is the shell to the inside. What ever it is that lies inside the heart, not controlled fully by the mind and not controlled fully by emotion. The being inside that yearns and yearns and sees far more then anyone. We have become a blinded people by what we see and hear. We have become fools because we have chosen to live a lie. It is not what is on the outside, but what is on the inside that we see least clearly, but matters most.

On The Parents...

Something is wrong with the system when a kid comes home and the first thing they hear is:

"Do you have any homework?"
"Yeah"
"Well make sure you get that done"

No, "how are you?", "I love you", "Are you sure your ok?", or "You look tired, do you need something?". They are left to their own devices when it comes to being happy. The grades are all that matter, because grades get you into college, grades get you a job, and grades get you a good life. It's all about grades and so little about what really matters.

There are so many things out there that make a good life. So much to look forward to, love, joy, happiness, being able to challenge yourself. Life is so much more then an ink spot on a report card.